Hi pop! I know it’s been a year and four months since I wrote to you last, I’ve just been a little busy but I’m sure you know that. A lot has happened, oh my god. Ava started kindergarten, and I started high school, and it kind of really sucked not having you there for it because we know how proud and excited you would’ve been to see us doing that and starting something new in our lives. You know what I’m still mad at you, for a lot of things, but also because you said you wouldn’t get to see me graduate from high school. You totally jinxed yourself, pop. I’m mad at you too, because you left so early. I know you didn’t want to and so I don’t think I’m directly mad at you, but I’m not sure who else to be ‘mad’ at. Maybe I’m just mad in general. Like you won’t be here to see me graduate, or Ava, or see my children, or my wedding (which I met a really great guy you probably know him but I’ll still talk about him), any of those things in my life. The really important things, or just the stupid things, just anything. I would kill to have you here for just everyday moments, I would kill to have you here for literally just one day. If you wanted to stay more though, that’d be fine. Alright so that guy right is Enrique and he’s really perfect, and if you ask me how, I’m probably going to tell you it’s really hard to describe. Because I don’t know, it is, and I’m sure you know the feeling because you’ve been inlove before pop. I think you’d really like him though, everyone else in the family does, and he said he thinks you’d be really cool to meet. And he was absolutely right. I’m just really lucky I did have the chance to meet you and that you wanted to be in my life as much as you did, especially for the last few years of yours, even when you moved away. I know you didn’t want to but you did it because, again, you were inlove. I’m sorry it was mostly a one way street and it hurts to even say it because I feel terrible, but that’s how it went from atleast outside. But we know that’s how it was inside too, even nan told us. When you died she said she felt bad because she couldn’t love you the way you deserved, and that couldn’t be more true. I think you knew that too, but you didn’t want to lose her at all. I get it. But I want you to know that you probably wouldn’t like it, but I get mad at her for that sometimes. Because you were a great man, you deserved someone who loved you unconditionally, everyone does. Even if your wife didn’t, you know your family did. You know mom did, you know I did, you know Ava did, and we still do so I’m not sure why I’m saying did? We all love you so much. I’m so glad you decided to stay with her though, because if you didn’t, I wouldn’t even know you probably, unless you stayed in moms life. Mom loves you so much too, literally everyone can tell. We were all hot messes after you passed, but she was horrible. It was actually pretty heartbreaking to watch, because not only was I in pain, but now mom was and that wasn’t right. I didn’t want her to be, and I didn’t want it to be for that reason. But it was and there’s no denying it and there’s no changing it and it really sucks. I think I’m going to go easy on your eyes for right now and end it right here, but I love you so much pop, I miss you more than you’ll ever know. Come back whenever you want, we’d love to see you. Take care of us, I know you try to from up there, but I think you need to really put some sanity into that wife of yours, and maybe a bit into your great grandaughter. Shake some kindness into her, maybe. Ok pop, I love you. I think I’m going to try not to cry anymore, no promises, but because I know you wouldn’t want me to be. I’m gonna try to be strong like you, always. I hope you have a wonderful day pop, you deserve it.
i have childhood memories that i am not 100% sure actually happened or if i dreamed them i really do not know
*points at your girlfriend* you gonna eat that